this origami dream is beautiful - that’s the most mature thing you’ve ever said. there are plenty of people in the world who actually are better off dead, but you’re not one of them. do you think your pseudo relationship (or whatever it is) is letting you feel valued or even like a human being? being apart of something like that has to be extremely detrimental to your self esteem, self worth, so stop it. you have control over that, too. no excuses. step 1: YOU make the necessary changes, and stay committed to bettering yourself.

my name is jessica and this is what i look like.

you can call me chesmoles or chester. i'm 24 and i'm fucking crazy.

i vent about my life a lot. i post a lot of shit about music, movies, and tv. oh, and there will probably be a lot of naked people and sexual shit.

feel free to say hello.

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Anonymous asked

that's the most mature thing you've ever said. there are plenty of people in the world who actually are better off dead, but you're not one of them. do you think your pseudo relationship (or whatever it is) is letting you feel valued or even like a human being? being apart of something like that has to be extremely detrimental to your self esteem, self worth, so stop it. you have control over that, too. no excuses. step 1: YOU make the necessary changes, and stay committed to bettering yourself.

i really appreciate what you’ve said, but it kind of bothers me that you consider this the most mature thing i’ve ever said. after i posted it, i expected to get at least one person telling me how immature and childish i was, because when i posted it, i kind of felt that way. “i’m 24 and writing the most emo sob story on a fucking blog site that is ruled by 15 year old ~offensive~ bloggers at 3 AM while i’m crying in my bed.” still, i needed to get it out there, so i did it anyway.

pushing that part aside, i haven’t spoken to jonah in a few days. well, that’s kind of a lie, because i text him before i wrote my post last night, but all i said was “how ya doin?” but i never responded to his reply. i need to learn to distance myself from him. at this moment in time, i can’t completely distance myself from him, because he is helping me with the fact that i don’t have a car and i don’t have a job by paying my phone bill and letting me use his car when i really need to, but i can at least not be at his house every single day and i don’t have to talk to him every single day. i’m starting with baby steps. eventually, when i’m off the phone plan and i’ve got a job and i’ve got a car, i can just get away for good. when he does nice things for me, he does the most selfless and wonderful things for me. i always hold on to that and choose to forget the times that he ignores my calls for 3 days in a row and tells me i’m being annoying when i simply ask him how his day was. that’s not healthy to be around, and i’m finally realizing exactly how bad it is. i mean, i’ve always known it was bad, but it took some recent events to exactly realize how bad it was. i forgot my classes in his car, and he ignored me for days when i asked if i could have them back. they’re my glasses. i need them to see. don’t tell me i’m annoying you when i have a valid reason to be contacting you. i can’t fucking see, dumbass.

# breaking